Pears, lumpfish caviar and treacle

I came home last night and took my first glass of sherry. As it was only my first, when I looked at the wall to see that the cupboard was no longer horizontal, but hanging at an angle of 30°, I trusted my sense perceptions and knew I had to empty it. As I did so I discovered a lot of the jars, cans and bottles were long past their use-by dates.

Archaeologists learn much about the past from the things people throw away. To spare the time of the archaeologists of millennia hence, this is what I threw away. I must reassure those who know me as a gourmand, and know my table as to the Sussex coast what elBulli is to the Costa Brava, that many of the things in this list were bought not by me but by the Burra Mem for herself and the children. This is what I threw away:

Item, a jar of lumpfish caviar, become oddly fizzy
Item, a tin of Tate & Lyle Golden Syrup
Item, a jar of Waitrose mincemeat
Item, a bottle of Reggae Reggae sauce
Item a bottle of Watkins' mushroom ketchup
Item, a bottle of Watkins' anchovy sauce
Item, a jar of melon jam bought from a stall at the French market in Newhaven
Item, a jar of Sainsburys green Thai curry paste
Item, a jar of Sizzle n' Stir tikka masala sauce
Item, a tin of pears in syrup, inherited from my late mother's kitchen cupboard. She died in 2007.
Item, a tin of John West tinned red salmon, of the same provenance
Item, a jar of Morrison's cool tomato salsa. Why 'cool', for heaven's sake? Is this a statement of its desirability, or does it mean it is not very hot?
Item, a jar of Old El Paso enchilada sauce
Item, a tin of Colman's mustard powder

I had to do something with the contents so I found a large plastic bag and poured everything in. The mixture looked quite appetising. I wondered if I might use it as a marinade, or perhaps offer it to the womenfolk as a face-pack. I wondered what dishes could be made with these ingredients: a salad of tinned pears with lumpfish caviar and treacle, for example.

I suggest those who dismiss blogs as solipsistic revise their opinions in the light of the clear usefulness of this post to social historians of the future.