The ways of online job-alerting services are strange and unfathomable, but, though I suppose I must have given them some encouragement, I really cannot understand why the Guardian should think I am interested in a post as Pond Habitat Action Plan Coordinator. It is true that, as a very small child, I fell into our garden pond to join the newts and sticklebacks, but I keep quiet about that in my cv, and the only witness was my mother, now dead.
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